The difficult child

 

When I was pregnant with our third child, I had high expectations of having a mellow baby that would just go with the flow. A little tag along that would keep up with our busy lifestyle. A sweet little love that would sleep anywhere and giggle a lot! And then God laughed and gave us a red head. And she really truly lives up to that characteristic. I knew my expectations had quickly crumbled when on the second night of our hospital stay, the nurse came in the room with a screaming banshee of a baby and said “Well she has a good set of lungs on her”. She is by no means mellow. She is high maintenance, stubborn, particular, and only wants her momma. She has a bit of a temper….and I mean she can go from a sweet little dear and into fiery baby Jack-Jack (from Disney Incredibles) in like 5 seconds flat. It usually stems from my absence. If she’s with a sitter or church nursery, the routine usually goes as follows (in her point of view): “Oh look my mom is leaving”, “Where did my mom go”, “I miss my mom”, “I want my mom right now and nothing anyone can do will make me stop screaming.” Even at home, she cannot be farther than a couple feet away from me at all times. By google definition, a stage five clinger baby is defined as a child that cannot leave a parent’s side…ever, ever, ever. I’m honored to have this type of committed child, but at the same time - it’s exhausting.

 

We regularly attend a great church in our hometown, but on occasion we do go to a different church near my in-laws. The last time we went there, my baby followed the exact same routine as mentioned above. Except this time, she lasted a whopping 20 minutes in the nursery when I got buzzed out (didn’t even make it the start of the sermon). The church’s way of contacting you to come get your kid is that they send you a text. Most of the time the text usually goes something like this “Please come for Kendall”….because that’s nicer than saying your kid is screaming bloody murder and disrupting the rest of the group. Although on one occasion, the text simply said “Kendall needs some love”. I was struck at how sweet it was…although it also probably wanted to say “your kid is screaming bloody murder back here”. 

 

It reminds me so much of the story in Luke 8:42. Jesus was traveling through a city when a great group of people swarmed around him, almost crushing him. A woman who had suffered some kind of bleeding for 12 years fought her way through the crowd just to touch him. The poor woman who was probably an outcast, despised and abandoned because of her illness, fought her way just to be near him. She loved him, she had faith in him, she wanted to be close to him. She reached out and touched his robe because she believed only he could heal her. Jesus asked loudly “Who touched me?” The disciples tried conveying to him that people were swarming all over him, it is impossible to know what he is talking about! The woman came and fell at his feet, scared and trembling. She quickly explained everything to him and that she truly believed he was the ultimate healer. He simply said to her “Daughter, your faith has healed you, go in peace.” He could’ve been irritated, angry, a bit frustrated that she got in his way. But he wasn’t. He bent down and picked her up, healing her years of darkness. 

 

I often feel that way, don’t you? You just want somebody who understands? Somebody who can help you? Somebody that loves you? You’re willing to do anything to meet that need, even fighting through a crowd of people. I think it’s somewhat similar to me finally siting down and seeing my baby army crawl from the opposite end of the room as fast as she possibly can just to get to me. In a way, it’s similar to sending up a hypothetical text to Jesus simply saying “Kallie could use some love right now”. My third child is definitely difficult, but so can I be. So can we all be some days. I let my current circumstances bring me down. I let my past get in the way. I let my frustations and hot mess deter my confidence in the love that Christ has for me. And maybe this all sounds familiar to you too. Friends, it’s as simple as lifting up your hands (like my baby does) and saying “I could really use some help right now”. It’s as simple as my six year old praying at the end of the day “Jesus, my life was hard today. Could you help make tomorrow better?” It’s fighting through every bad day just to get close to Jesus. My baby needs me right now. And I really need Jesus. I pray this one thing sticks with you today: Jesus loves you where you are at. He’s helping you. He’s healing you. He’s loving you. He’s picking you up like a child and saying it’s ok. And no matter how difficult you may be, his love will always prevail. What a friend we have in Jesus. You are loved and seen.