The defining moments

 It's been three years now since Covid overtook the world. It's also been three years since my son was referred to speech therapy. He's now four and a half so we have been struggling with this almost his whole life. He began the birth-three program through the county when he was roughly 18 months old and barely speaking four words consistently. However with Covid, everything was virtual and for a toddler that young, it was pretty much a joke. Fast forward to today, and he is still in speech therapy through the school district and making big improvements. It is still a struggle though and he still has a ways to go. While I dream of the day he graduates the program, my momma heart still hurts for him. He is young and innocent and believes that there is nothing different about him. Even if kids make fun of him, he doesn't realize it. Bless his little heart because mine would be shattered. Some weeks we take five giant steps forward and some we take three steps back. Sometimes after a session, we go out for smoothies to celebrate tiny victories and sometimes we blast Twisted Sister's "I wanna Rock" in the vehicle out of frustration. (Settle down people, we also listen to cocomelon on occasion). His speech is just a chapter in his life but it doesn't define him. 

While reading the book of Judges, I was struck on this little story. Mom hack: Here's a great bedtime story to tell your kids. Or even better, say it at the dinner table if you want to live on the edge! Update: Moses and Joshua have both passed away and it seems like the Israelites continue to disobey God. They cry out to God to save them from their enemies and God sends Ehud. Judges 3:15 says God gave them a deliverer - Ehud a left-handed man. I was a little awestruck that it clearly acknowledges that Ehud was left-handed. However, He was brilliant. Ehud was sent to deliver the Israelites from the evil King Eglon ( a very very fat man). Ehud approached him alone and exclaimed "I have a message from God just for you". Ehud reached with his left hand, drew the hidden sword attached to his right thigh, and plunged it into King Eglon's belly. The king was so fat...(How fat was he?) The king was so fat the the sword sank into his belly and the fat closed in around it. And his bowels discharged...(TMI? It's amazing how descriptive God's word can be!) Ehud escaped and won the victory for the Israelites. It was something nobody saw coming!

I was so intrigued by a left-handed warrior that I googled the significance of it. Clearly the bible represents the right hand as dominant - Jesus sits at the right hand of God the father, The Lord will rescue you with his strong right hand, etc. According to my google search, compared to the times the bible mentions hands - 90% of the time is in regards to right hand and 10% is the left. While it doesn't specifically say that left-handedness is a sin or defect, we can agree it's definitely a disadvantage. My children are right-handed so I've not experienced this issue, but can you imagine Ehud's mom trying to teach him as a child when everyone else she knew was right-handed? It was a weakness to Ehud. A disadvantage. A minor hiccup. A definition by God. But that wasn't his defeat. His biggest weakness was used to become his greatest weapon. Bam - Mic Drop! Let that sink in....his biggest frustration became his victory. 

My son's biggest weakness right now is his speech. But he is a brilliant child, full of love and laughter. He's the best listener and is super protective of his little sister and his momma. I have dreams of him giving his high school commencement speech someday. Or maybe a political speech in front of thousands of people. Only God knows....but also I am positive that God will use this weakness to become a weapon for His kingdom.

What about you? What is your defining weakness? I think back on myself and on the months of depression and therapy I went through after a fatal car crash, and how it propelled me to start writing. But maybe it's worse than that? What are you saying about yourself or others? There’s that Karter - the kid that talks funny. Oh there's so and so - she's the one that (fill in the blank). Or you get up every morning and look in the mirror thinking, if I wasn't so ___. Or something you struggled with that still haunts you like a ghost in the night? Let me tell you how Jesus defines you. Because even though Ehud was clearly described as being left-handed, he was also described as being a mighty warrior. 

I tell my children this regularly. Jesus defines you as loved, cherished, acknowledged, seen, heard, important, valued, having purpose, wanted, and His beloved child. He died for you because He loves you. He has your name written on his palms. There's not a hair on your head that He hasn't counted. He knows you, all your weaknesses and messes. He sees me in my hot mess (which is all the time) and yet He still loves me for me. You have purpose and meaning. You might be in defeat right now, but watch what God will use it for. My son's victory is coming and so is yours. Believe it. Repeat it. Hold fast to it. You are so loved.