In the Pit

 Let me set the scene for you: my husband works night shifts. Bless his soul for being able to provide for our family in no way that I could. I am so blessed to be able to stay home with my children as much as I do. And he never complains when an Amazon package is delivered to our front door. But as much as I love my kids…..lets face it - solo parenting is hard. Any type of parenting is hard. Like really hard. Like the hardest job on the face of the earth. Like stuff your face into a pillow and scream your lungs out hard. These kids are feral and they don’t listen (they get that from their father). Also the noise level in this house has to set some kind of record. And now that I have three - is it normal for moms to just not get to sit down? Like ever?

I’ve been in a funk lately. You can call it seasonal depression, the winter blues, post partum something or other, hormonal imbalance, stress…I don’t know. I just know I am in a pit. A deep pit that doesn’t seem to have a way out. I’ve been thinking on this a lot lately. One morning I just said “God, what kind of pit do you have me in and why?”

And then the good Lord brought this beauty of a memory. It comes from none other than the 1993 classic Disney film “Homeward Bound The Incredible Journey”. Now I know what you’re thinking: Why on earth would God answer a prayer with a Disney movie? Some of you are probably thinking, Kallie you have lost your mind (Sorry to tell you I lost that two kids ago :). Or maybe you just stopped reading this completely by now. Let me explain. If you have not seen the movie, it is about a family that goes on vacation and entrusts their three pets to a family friend. The wise old golden retriever Shadow, the spunky puppy Chance, and the cautious cat Sassy all fear that their owners have left them. So they set off into the wilderness to reach their way back home. Somewhere near the very last leg of their journey, they cross the train tracks and Shadow falls into this muddy trench. It’s a very emotional scene as the other two try to help him out with their encouragement but Shadow is just too weak. After he lays down in the mud as if in defeat, Chance slides his way down to get him up. Shadow replies hastily: “Do you think it’s easy for me to admit that I can’t do it?” And that’s the dagger.

Okay God. I get it now. You know who else thought they couldn’t do it? Moses. We see over and over again that Moses questions God. Moses wasn’t great with speaking or self confidence. He constantly asked God the “what if” questions. He lead the Israelites through the desert, often exclaiming to God that he could not do it anymore. One of the funniest quotes I’ve read from Moses is Numbers 11:11-12: “Why have you brought this trouble on your servant? Did I conceive these people? Did I give birth to them?” Okay…I did conceive my people and birth them…but sometimes my people are equally as whiny as those Israelites. But then in verse 14: Moses says “I cannot carry this by myself, the burden is too heavy for me”. He couldn’t do it. He asked for help.

I cannot do it. As much as I strive to be the super mom, the pinterest mom, the cooking channel mom, or the Brady Bunch mom - I can’t do it. Let’s admit it - even Mrs. Brady had a maid. This is hard. This is my pit. It’s messy, dirty, heavy, and I can’t see a way out. As much as I try to get myself out on my own strength, I just fall right back down. But I need to be more like Moses - who so boldly talks to God like a friend. My six year old often prays “extreme prayers” at bedtime. When I say extreme, I mean it lasts like 10 minutes long and we usually have to cut her off. I think it’s secretly to prolong bedtime, but it’s simple prayers. Like “God can you please show me a sunrise tomorrow morning” and “God I really loved playing with so and so today, thank you for them.” It’s prayers that I wouldn’t have thought of. But maybe I need to. And while I’m in my pit, I need to just look up and say “Jesus, it’s not easy for me to admit that I can’t do it, but I can’t! I need help!”

For those that know the ending of the movie, we all know it ends happily. Like every Disney movie usually does. The boy yelling from the top of the hill “Shadow! Shadow!” I can picture Jesus yelling that over you and me and my children and your children. Embracing us in a great big bear hug. Fighting back happy tears. Whatever pit you find yourself in, know that there is help and you can go to Him with anything. Or maybe it’s just a quiet whisper in the dark after everyone is finally sleeping and yes you can finally sit down, and saying “I can’t do this….But can you help me?” And as that movie ends, Chance states in a monologue: “It was Shadow’s victory really, his belief was the thing that got us through”. You and I have victory over our pits. Jesus will get you through if you hold fast. And He will meet where you are at. Even if it’s messy, dirty, or heavy. Ask Him.

To all the moms in the pit: I see you! You’re not alone. 

To friends/family of moms in the pit: we are not ok! Send help! And cookies!